God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize