u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
