Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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