This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
