I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You need a sexual gate keeper
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
