Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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