that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
