WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
