you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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