the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
