I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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