i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
