I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
