ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Michael Bay diarrhea
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
