I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
That reminds me...we need to get swords
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
