Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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