After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Randomize
