When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize