worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
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