I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
