The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
