is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
