Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I touched a dick in church today
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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