And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
