Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
That accounts for only three of the penises
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
