Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
