So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
