Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
