I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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