Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
