Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
