apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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