At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
