I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
