i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
