I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
