i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
