i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
