im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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