No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
