apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
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