Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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