Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
