I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Randomize
