I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
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