i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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