Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
