dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
