she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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