broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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