Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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