I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
