ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
