Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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