I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
