Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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