Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
