i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
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