I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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