sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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