Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
