I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
