I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
