Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
