I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
