He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
COCAINE IS GR8
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
