im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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