I cockslap morals
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
