Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
17 year olds will be the death of me.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
