i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
