Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
