Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
