I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
