Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
