Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
