he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
