hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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