Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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