bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
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Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
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Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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