I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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